Into the Past
by Pokeyshadow
Summary: An accident leads to painful memories for Peter
1. Chapter 1

He was drowning. As the memories overtook him, slowly his eyes opened, his arms flailing in fear.

"Peter." He felt a warm, comforting hand in his and something soft caressing his cheek. "Peter, you need to calm down. You're ok." The fog began to clear and the room became more focused; white walls, beeping machines and something annoying attached to his nose. He reached for it but a hand quickly stopped him.

"Peter, no!" He glanced sideways and his beautiful wife smiled weakly at him. "Doctors said you need that for a couple of more days." She squeezed his hand. "Do you remember what happened?"

He closed his eyes momentarily as snapshots of the past crept to the surface: the car submerged in water. He was trapped inside. Neal was trying to hold his head above water and then diving down to work on his stuck leg. Neal was yelling at him to stay awake, almost crying as he begged Peter to live. He heard footsteps and opened his eyes hopeful as a barely audible word passed his lips.

"Neal" he mumbled again as Elizabeth moved aside so the doctor could examine her husband. Peter endured the ten minute exam grudgingly, sighing with relief when the doctor finally left the room. "Where's Neal?" he asked, his voice stronger. "Is he ok?"

"I think so" Elizabeth answered as she again took her place next to the bed. "He got you out. He did CPR…" she paused, her voice cracking. "You had stopped breathing" she said quietly, wiping at a fallen tear. Peter grabbed her hand, gently stroking it as he waited for her to continue. "Peter, he was here when I arrived. He said it was his fault but he wouldn't tell me what happened. He said he couldn't lose you too." It was less than a month since Kate's death and they both knew how fragile Neal still was. "At some point he slipped away." She shrugged. "I called June and Mozzie but no one has heard from him in days."

"Days?" Peter's eyes widened. "How long have I been out for? "

"Five," Elizabeth said. "They kept you sedated so you could heal. I think Neal's been calling" she quickly added. "The night nurse said a man has been calling every night asking about you and I figured it was Neal so she's been telling him you were getting better. "

"So, he's somewhere around" Peter mumbled sleepily. "Tell the nurse to tell Neal I want to see him ok?"

"Go to sleep" Elizabeth said as she leaned over her husband and lightly kissed his forehead. "Neal knows how to take care of himself, he'll be fine."

Peter grunted his agreement though he was more worried than he wanted to admit. But he was also surprisingly tired and allowed himself to succumb to the blissful peace.

For two days Peter grew stronger, the number of tubes sticking out of him dwindled and the machines slowly moved out of his room. He had a steady stream of visitors and phone calls but the one person he desperately wanted to see remained missing. The night phone calls had stopped also, worrying Peter even more. Peter awoke startled and instantly knew he was not alone. In typical Neal fashion he had snuck in during the middle of the night.

"Come here!" Peter quietly ordered as he turned on the little lamp on the nightstand. He heard the shuffling of feet and a slight groan as Neal neared the bed. "Sit down!" Peter sounded angry but he wasn't; he was so relieved that Neal was there, yet he wasn't able to show that properly. "You look like hell" Peter exclaimed as Neal lowered himself into the chair, eyes downcast. Normally immaculate in appearance, Neal looked nothing like his formal self; unshaven, hair standing on end and dirty clothes. Peter noticed a distinct odor and had to swallow twice to keep from getting sick.

"You saved my life" Peter reached over to touch Neal's arm but the younger man recoiled back, away from Peter's outstretched hand.

"Neal, what is wrong with you? Why did you tell El it was your fault? Come on buddy, I'm having a little trouble remembering that day so you need to fill in the pieces." Neal glanced upward and one look into his feverish eyes and Peter knew they had more pressing issues. He reached behind his head and grabbed a pillow, placing it next to himself on the bed.

"Neal, lay your head down for ten minutes." Peter patted the pillow. "I promise I'll wake you and then we can talk." Neal didn't hesitate as he lowered his head to the pillow, closing his eyes with a slight sigh…oblivious to any ulterior motives Peter might have or just too sick to really care. Peter lightly ran a comforting hand through his hair, talking softly as the younger man fell asleep. He felt Neal's burning forehead, waited another ten minutes to ensure that Neal was soundly sleeping and then reached for the nurse's bell.

Neal could never do anything easy Peter mused as he sat next to his bed, watching the younger man sleep. Neal wasn't just sick. A temperature near 105 had landed him in ICU while the doctors and nurses worked continuously to try to stay on top of everything going wrong. They had pumped him with fluids to combat the dehydration only to have his lungs fill up with fluid, almost placing him on a vent. More medicine and dialysis helped his ailing kidneys and finally a prolonged ice bath had taken a little venom out of the fever. During that time Peter had stayed with Neal, trying to comfort him as he deliriously called out for Kate. He had asked for Peter many time also but was never conscious enough to know Peter was right there. Elizabeth had stopped by often, as worried about her husband as she was for the ailing man almost unrecognizable under all the tubes and bandages. Peter had finally been released but he was in no hurry to leave the hospital, not while Neal was in this precarious condition.

"How is he?" Peter turned, smiling at his wife. "Fever finally fell before 103 and they said he's stable. Doctor said he was at least 20 pounds underweight. I knew he wasn't doing well" Peter quietly added, inwardly kicking himself. "He shouldn't have been back to work until he worked through Kate's death."

"It's not your fault" Elizabeth said, leaning over her husband. "I brought you clean clothes and something to eat."

"Thanks" Peter muttered. "Mozzie should be here later and I'll try to get some sleep then."

"Peter you need to come home and really rest. You just got out of the hospital yourself."

"I can't." Peter stood, and neared the door, with his wife following him. "He saved my life and I still can't remember what happened that day. I can't leave him alone until I know he's going to be ok."

"I know." Elizabeth leaned in, hugging her husband tightly. "Just make sure you eat and get some rest. I'll stop by after work." Peter saw his wife out of the room and then went back to his chair, holding vigil.

Peter heard moaning and put the file he was reading down. Officially he was not back at work but bored out of his mind and helping out where he could. Neal had now been in the hospital for eight days, but he was finally out of ICU and officially on the mend. He had woken briefly the past two days, but never for long or coherent enough to realize what was going on.

"Neal?" Peter neared the bed as the prone man started flailing around.

"Take it easy." Peter grabbed Neal's arms and held them in place. "Neal, are you awake?"

"Huh? " Neal scanned the room, finally settling on Peter's face. "What's.…wrong?" He nervously looked around and at the tubes sticking in his arms. "Let go!" He whined, trying to get out of Peter's grasp.

"Neal, you're in the hospital. Remember the car accident?" He paused, but Neal didn't respond. "The tracking device gashed your ankle and you obviously ignored it. You ended up with an infection that got into your blood stream…you almost died" Peter added quietly, as he settled down next to the bed.

"I should have" Neal mumbled turning away from his partner. "Leave me alone" he said, burying his face in his pillow. Peter wasn't sure what to expect when Neal woke up, but it wasn't this. "Hey, I know you're confused and you probably feel lousy but I don't believe for a moment that you want me to leave. Neal, I'm your friend and I'm not going anywhere. "As he talked, Peter lightly rubbed Neal's back, trying to comfort him. He could feel Neal shaking beneath his hand and he kept up the motion as the younger man started to calm down. "He turned Neal over so he could see his face and the weaker man offered no resistance. "Neal, I remember what happened that day and it wasn't your fault. Yes, we were arguing and I still believe you need to see a therapist but it was my fault I wasn't watching the road. It was my fault I swerved to miss the dog. Got it?" Peter kept his hand on Neal's head, gently stroking. "You saved my life and I will never forget that. But you are wallowing in guilt because of Kate and I won't allow you to blame yourself for my accident." Neal was crying silent tears and he inched closer so he was leaning against Peter. "We're both going to be ok" Peter whispered, as Neal fell back to sleep.

"Ready?" Peter walked into the room, pushing a wheelchair. "Your chariot awaits you, let's go."

"I don't need that" Neal protested, as he put the last of this things into a duffel bag.

"Hospital rules" Peter retorted, taking a closer look at this partner. "Are you ok? You don't seem that excited about leaving the hospital." Peter scrutinized his friend. He was still thin but they managed to put about ten pounds back on him with a special diet. Otherwise he looked well, except for his eyes. Neal always had a plan or scheme up his sleeve and his eyes sparkled…he was alive. Sadly Peter wasn't sure that would come back…part of him died when the plane blew up.

"Maybe you should take me back to June's place" Neal said quietly.

"We talked about that." Peter sat in the wheelchair, opposite Neal.

"You talked. I listened" Neal countered. "I don't have a choice on that or the shrink."

"Neal, you know June travels a lot. I think you'd be better having me and Elizabeth around…"

"I don't need babysitters." Neal stood, tossing the bag over his shoulder.

"How about a friend?" Peter reasoned, also standing. "Neal, you know I arranged my schedule so I could work from home until you're medically cleared. Doesn't mean you can't help me" he added hopeful. "Neal, talk to the psychiatrist. It can't hurt and we both know you haven't done well since Kate's death. OK?"

"Is this what I get for saving your life?" Neal smiled weakly as Peter positioned the wheelchair behind him.

"It could be worse" Peter retorted.

"Really? How?" Neal sat, dropping the bag on his lap.

"I could ask Cruz to babysit you."

"You wouldn't." Neal glanced back, eyeing his partner.

"No, I wouldn't. Let's go home."


	2. Chapter 2

"Are you sure you're ready to go back to work?" Elizabeth asked as she set the table for breakfast. Neal sat gingerly and picked up the hot steaming coffee placed before him. "Where's Peter?" he asked, deliberately avoiding her question. He was ready; at least he thought he was. He'd been out of the hospital for three weeks and he was bored and he was sick of Peter's attention and scrutiny. He meant well, but Peter could be a nag if he wanted to. "Elizabeth?" She had her back to him, washing dishes at the sink. "I guess he's still getting ready" she said facing him.

"Odd" Neal muttered. "I heard him moving around long before I got out of bed" he added. "What's he doing?"

"Neal, can you do me a favor?" Elizabeth whispered, seating herself next to him. Neal nodded, intrigued. "Keep an eye on Peter. He's not sleeping well and something is bothering him, but every time I bring it up, he says he's fine. Peter is always fine, until he's not" she added as an afterthought. "Have you noticed?"

Neal shrugged. He had noticed and that was the main reason he wanted to go back to work. "He's been cranky and overly critical" Neal admitted, "but I figured we've spent way too much time together cooped up in this place."

"That's why you want to go back, right?" Elizabeth stood as they both heard Peter on the stairway.

"Caffrey, let's go!"

"Peter, what about breakfast?" He barely acknowledged his wife as he pointed towards the door. "We have an early meeting and we're already late." Neal grabbed a piece of toast, said a quick goodbye to Elizabeth and followed Peter out the door.

"That was rude" he said as he slid into the passenger seat. "Peter, what's wrong?"

"I don't want any crumbs on my car seat, got it?" Peter turned the volume up on the radio as he pulled into the street, indicating he didn't want to talk. Neal felt otherwise and turned the radio off.

"My car, my rules" Peter spat out as the radio went back on. Neal sighed and sat back, glaring out the window. Something was definitely wrong and he wondered if going back to work wasn't a mistake after all.

"That went well" Neal retorted to break the silence. It had been a long day and Peter's mood had deteriorated as the day wore on and one thing after another had gone wrong.

"It was your choice to come back today" Peter countered, the radio once again blaring.

"Yeah, it was." Neal sighed as he lowered the hat over his eyes and sunk deeper in the seat, arms crossed. He wasn't sure what was going on with Peter but he needed to get away from the man sitting beside him.

"I think it's time I move back to June's." Neal glanced sideways and saw Peter's hands tighten on the steering wheel. "If that's what you want" he said evenly, his words belying his actions. "I'll take you there tonight."

"Fine" Neal muttered, the last word spoken during the drive home.

Neal had always lived his life on edge, always prepared for the unexpected and prided himself in being able to handle anything. He was not prepared for what had just happened. It was a simple undercover job, similar to others jobs he had performed since joining the FBI. He would meet the suspect, get him to confess and then Peter would call in the cavalry. Plain and simple; yet lately nothing around Peter was that easy. Neal had gotten the confession, said the code word and waited, but help didn't come and the perp realized that he had been duped. Before Neal had a chance to run, he was looking at the barrel of a gun. The man behind the gun was angry and spewing out obscenities but Neal didn't hear a word…he was too busy staring at the gun, just inches from his face and desperately trying to figure out an escape route. After what seemed like an eternity he heard footsteps and in the split second the gunman looked away, Jones got one shot off, saving Neal life.

Later, Neal would learn that Jones felt it was taking too long and decided to go in, even though Peter had not given the word.

"Where's Peter?" Neal asked his voice barely above a whisper. Jones shrugged and they both took off, to the front of the building where Peter was supposed to be waiting…both fearing that something had happened to him. To their utter relief and amazement they found Peter alive, sleeping in the front seat of his car. Jones banged on the window and Peter jumped, momentarily confused. He jumped out of the car, his eyes darting from Jones to Neal.

"I'm sorry" he muttered, his eyes never leaving Neal's face. "You're…ok." Peter stuttered as he ran a hand through his hair, trying to regain his bearings.

"What the hell Peter." Jones spit out angrily. "He's only ok because I got antsy and went in. Another minute and…" he heard Neal gulp beside him and closed his mouth. "Peter, I don't know what's going on with you" Jones said, "but you better figure it out before you do get one of us killed." He turned, patted Neal lightly on the shoulder and walked back in to the building.

"Neal." Peter pleaded, staring at his partner. Neal couldn't deal with him right now so he followed Jones into the building. He hated the sight of dead people, especially bloody ones, but at that moment, he could handle anything beside the turmoil he felt internally, that the one person he trusted the most had let him down.

Neal sat in the briefing room, silently watching as Peter tried to explain what happened. He knew Peter flustered easily in social situations but never at work, not until today…he hemmed and hawed as he tried to explain how the plan went sour. Neal watched his eyes closely, saw how conflicted he was as he lied and never mentioned that he had fallen asleep. Jones said a few words of explanation, but he too kept quiet about Peter's involvement both knowing the truth could cost him his job. In the end, as in any bad cop movie, the good guys won and that seemed to be enough. Hughes muttered something about the weekend, his eyes lingering on Peter before leaving the room. The other agents slowly followed, leaving only Neal and Peter in the room. Neal waited, expecting Peter to say something, at the very least an apology but Peter couldn't even look at him. He clumsily stuffed the files in his briefcase and walked out, towards his office.

He wasn't getting away that easy Neal mused as he watched his partner toss the briefcase in his office and head for the exit. Neal followed behind him, not caring if Peter knew. He called out Peter's name several times wondering where his friend was going. Peter didn't seem to have a direction in mind; he just wandered down the street, head down and lost in his own misery. After two blocks Neal had enough and he easily caught up, grabbing Peter by the arm.

"You almost got me killed today." The words were unnecessary as Peter looked at him, the truth and the pain evident in his eyes. Peter glanced downward as he pulled his arm free, either unwilling or unable to find his voice.

"Peter you have more on the line than your job." Peter seemed to wither under Neal's stare and his eyes darted around, focusing on everything but the man beside him. "After Kate's death, you promised I wasn't alone and you…and Elizabeth…you always seem to know when I needed company." Neal chuckled. "Even when I didn't know myself" he quietly added. "When you were trapped I meant what I said, I couldn't lose you too…yet now…" Neal bit down on his lower lip, embarrassed by his own admission.

"Neal…" It was the only word Peter managed to spit out before the tears came but it was enough for now. In that one word, Neal knew how truly broken Peter was and his heart ached for his friend. Peter turned away, willing the tears to stop. He sniffled and quickly wiped his face with his sleeve. He wanted to tell Neal the truth but after all these years, he wasn't sure he could talk about it. But he also knew his friendship with Neal was important to him, more important than he ever thought was possible. He walked further away from Neal, took out his phone and left a message for his wife, explaining that he was working late and wouldn't be home for dinner.

"Lying is becoming too easy" he whispered as he neared his partner. He took a deep breath, mustering as much courage as he could. "Want to take a ride?" he asked, his voice still shaky.

"OK," Neal answered. "Where are we going?"

"Into my past" Peter quietly answered as he walked past Neal, his pace picking up. Neal ran to keep up, his mind a mixture of curiosity and trepidation.


	3. Chapter 3

Neal watched silently out the window as they headed north, out of the city. Peter hadn't spoken since getting into the car but it was a palpable silence and Neal was enjoying the scenery. The tall, green trees and shrubbery was a nice change from the sad, grey buildings and sidewalks lined with trash he saw every day. He glanced at his watch; they had been driving for nearly two hours…his stomach growled, they had skipped lunch because of the briefing.

"Peter, are you hungry? Want to stop somewhere?"

Peter didn't answer but he reached behind the seat and grabbed a bag, tossing it at Neal.

"Don't tell me" Neal said as he opened the bag, sniffing carefully. Definitely not devil's ham he thought as he took out the sandwich. "Peanut butter and jelly" he said, pleasantly surprised. "Do you mind?"

"Go ahead, it's yours." Neal munched away happily, until he realized how thirsty he was.

"Water in the truck" Peter stated, as if reading his mind. "We're here" he announced although Neal had no idea where they were. Peter jumped out and grabbed a bottle of water, handing it to Neal through the open window. "Finish eating. I'll be down there." Neal glanced out the window and realized they were parked near a river, and Peter was slowly walking towards it.

Neal shoved the rest of the sandwich into his mouth, gulped down some water and got out of the car, rushing to catch up to Peter.

"Peter, why are we here?"

"I grew up near here" Peter answered. "Frankie and I used to bike here all the time." Peter pointed across the river. "There used to be two trees right there and some of the bigger kids hung ropes on the trees. Frankie and I…"

"Who's Frankie?" Neal interrupted.

"My best friend" Peter responded, with a sad smile. "We were eight years old and inseparable." Peter chuckled. "We were so opposite. I was small and quiet and Frankie, you could hear him coming a mile away. And he was fearless…" Peter paused, glancing at the river. "We'd stand here and watch them. They would run, grab the ropes and swing over the river, landing on this side." Peter walked a bit closer. "Frankie wanted to do it but I was scared…the currents were fast and I wasn't a good swimmer. Frankie called me a chicken." Peter shrugged. "Maybe I was."

"Peter, why are you telling me this?"

"You said you wanted to know what's wrong with me" Peter snapped, arms flailing.

"Peter, it's ok. Calm down." Neal eyed the edge and realized Peter was too close. "Can you walk towards me?"

Peter sighed, glancing downward. "When I was drowning, I finally knew how Frankie must have felt. I had tucked him away in my mind…until the accident. He's all I see at night…I'm drowning and I see his face."

"Peter, you're not making sense. What happened to Frankie?" Neal grabbed Peter's arm, pulling him away.

"Trying to save me again?" Peter's voice cracked slightly. "Is that what friends do?" He eyed Neal, with tears streaming down his cheeks. "I left him and he drowned."

"Peter, how did he drown?"

"I just told you" Peter yelled, shoving Neal away. "He drowned because I left him."

"Hey!" Neal grabbed Peter by the shoulders, but the older man struggled to get free. "Peter! Did you try to jump the river? Did Frankie fall into river?"

"Yes! No!" Peter seemed confused but he stopped struggling and Neal reluctantly removed his hands. "We came here after school before the big kids got out and I didn't want to do it…and Frankie kept calling me names and I was getting mad at him and so I finally said ok and I was scared…" The words were tumbling out of Peter, along with a new stream of tears. "I made it across and I stood up and I yelled I was so relieved but then Frankie told me to help him." Peter wiped his nose on his sleeve. "He was half in the river and half out and he was stuck so I bent down to help him."

Peter kneeled down, reenacting so long ago and Neal lunged forward, ready to grab his partner if needed. "I couldn't get him loose and he was cold and started crying and begging me to get him out." Peter grew quiet, staring at the water. Suddenly his eyes got wider. "Frankie." He reached with an outstretched hand. "Just hang on, I'll get you out."

Neal watched, fascinated until he saw Peter slip and one knee buckle perilously close to the water. "Peter!" Neal reached out and grabbed Peter's arm, pulling the other man up on his feet, away from the river.

"No!" Peter fought to free himself as he reached for the ghost, only he could see. "Frankie" he yelled as he yanked free, dropped to his knees, frantically grabbing at air.

Neal stood dumbfounded as his friend slid into the past, until fear took over and he reached for Peter, grabbing him in a bear hug and they both tumbled to the ground.

"Frankie is dead" Neal repeated over and over until the struggling man in his arms finally heard him.

"No." Peter's body trembled as reality seeped in. "I couldn't save him" Peter cried as he felt Neal's arm tighten around him. "He's dead." Peter buried his face against the warmth of Neal's shoulder, his muffled sobs silent.

Neal held him, occasionally running a hand down Peter's back or through his hair, until the tears ran out and his body stilled. Peter turned his head, but continued to lean against Neal, soaking in the comfort that Neal was willing to give him.

"I'm messed up" Peter whispered, the truth never so apparent.

"You are" Neal agreed, shifting his body a little to shield Peter's view of the water. "You're not alone" Neal said as he momentarily rested his chin on Peter's head, both moving a bit as Peter swiped at the tears that started a new stream down his face. In silence they sat, both comforted and comforting, as the sun slowly set behind them.

"You like Jones right?"

"Huh?" Neal was confused at the strange question that broke their silence.

"They're going to take my badge" Peter quietly explained, "and I don't want you going back to jail."

"Don't get ahead of yourself" Neal said, pleased that Peter sounded more like himself. But he had to admit that Peter was right, things might change and he didn't want to go back to jail. Neal still wanted the rest of the story and he hoped Peter was ready to tell him.

"Peter, did you leave because you were scared?"

"No" Peter answered quietly. "I ran to the street to get help but the cars were scarce and several went right by me without stopping…" Peter's voice cracked and Neal pulled him a little closer, trying to visualize a little boy frantically waving for help and being ignored.

"Finally a car stopped…he had no choice because I had resorted to standing in the middle of the street." Peter sighed. "It was a cop and he started yelling at me until he got closer and saw how hysterical I was. I led him to the river but Frankie was gone and I thought he wasn't going to believe me but he did and he called for more help. He put me in his car and wrapped a blanket around me and then went back to the river." Peter glanced upward. "It wasn't long before the fire trucks arrived and then more questions and finally my mom showed up and took me home." Peter took a deep breath. "I learned later that Frankie was doomed the moment he hit…his ankle was stuck in such an angle that it took hours for them to free the body…even if I had stayed with him, he would have died from exposure."

"But that didn't make you feel any better did it?"

"No." Peter admitted. "No one blamed me, actually everyone went out of their way not to blame me and act as normal as possible…but I wasn't the same. I learned to put it behind me and I had other friends but no one I let in like Frankie…"

"Until I showed up" Neal interrupted.

"Don't flatter yourself" Peter retorted. "Until you showed up" Peter quietly added, allowing himself to admit how much Neal's friendship meant to him. Peter pulled away, drew his knees up, resting his chin on them. He was tired and wanted nothing more than a night of uninterrupted sleep. Something he didn't think he'd get if he went home and El saw him in this condition. He turned to face Neal, but kept his gaze downward, still off keel by what had transpired.

"Can I sleep at June's tonight?"

"Peter, you have to talk to your wife. She's worried sick about you." Neal smiled wearily. "She's thinks you're having an affair or dying…Peter talk to her!"

"I will. Tomorrow, I promise. Tonight…." Peter sighed. "I need sleep and I might sleep better if the one person who knew…Please Neal…" Peter begging was the last thing Neal expected or ever wanted to see again.

"OK!" Neal stood and held his hand out to Peter, helping his friend to his feet. Peter swayed briefly, thankful that Neal held on until he got his bearings. He reached in his pocket and offered the car keys to Neal. "Think you can get us home safely?" Neal hesitated before taking the keys, the obvious left unsaid…Neal didn't have a driver's license. But as they walked slowly to the car it was apparent that Peter couldn't drive, he was barely standing on his own two feet and if it wasn't for the arm that Neal had around his waist, he wasn't sure Peter would be upright. He helped Peter into the car and opened the trunk, grabbing two bottles of water. Peter, being the Boy Scout, also had a blanket and Neal took that before slamming the trunk door shut. He walked back to the passenger side, quickly buckled Peter in and covered him with the blanket.

"In case you're thirsty." He placed one of the bottles in Peter's lap and then headed to the other side, quickly familiarizing himself with the car. Neal turned on the radio, found a soft classical station and glanced sideways at his passenger. Peter was staring out the window, eyes half mast. As soon as he was asleep Neal would call Elizabeth and June and lie to both of them.

Neal was thankful June had kept some of her staff late and they helped him carry Peter into the house and up stairs, to the guest room Neal had chosen for Peter. The older man was so exhausted he didn't wake up until June was gently getting him out of his clothes. She said a soothing word or two and Peter was out again, snoring softly. Neal left to change and when he got back, June was gone. He stood over Peter, watching him sleep, looking peaceful.

"No nightmares my friend, ok?" Neal smoothed the blankets around the sleeping man and then walked over to the huge reclining chair…the reason he had chosen this room. He settled himself and grabbed the extra pillow and blanket June had left. Neal hadn't realized how exhausted he was until he allowed himself to relax…his last conscious thought was for a quiet night's sleep for both of them.


	4. Chapter 4

"That's not a word." Peter folded his arms, staring daggers at the man across the table.

"Go ahead. Challenge it." Neal smirked, glancing sideways at Elizabeth who was having a hard time keeping a straight face. Peter looked flustered as he stared at the board and then at the dictionary, wondering if it was worth the challenge. Neal watched his friend; pleased that he was finally getting back to the person he was before the incident. It had been three weeks since their drive to the river and so far Peter was following his doctor's advice, albeit with a far amount of grumbling and complaining. She felt it was an acute psychotic episode brought on by the accident and lack of sleep; prescribing the short term use of an antipsychotic drug and counseling. Peter hated both but he wanted back what he lost and knew he had to complete the therapy to get that.

"Peter, you know there's a time limit right?"

"Shut up!" Peter picked up the dictionary and started thumbing through it, certain that Neal had made up the word. He hated Scrabble and the fact was Neal was smart…too smart for this own good most times. He could blame the medicine but he knew that wasn't the cause, even without it he would lose as he did every time they played. He quickly found the correct page and of course it was a word, he hadn't won a challenge yet.

"Told ya" Neal said, big smile on his face.

"If I use all my letters, I get extra points right?" Elizabeth blurted out.

"I give up!" Peter slammed the book on the table. "Satch. Let's go for a walk." The dog's ears perked up when he heard his name and immediately he was at the door tail wagging.

"Are you coming Einstein?" Peter asked as he attached the leash to the dog's collar.

"Of course" Neal answered, jumping out of his chair.

"I'll have desert ready when you get back" Elizabeth said as they slipped out the front door.

They walked in silence for nearly a block before Peter spoke up. "Are you going to ask me?"

"I thought you would tell me" Neal countered.

"I was waiting for you to ask" Peter retorted, a slight smile playing on his face.

"Fine!" Neal gave in first. "How did the meeting go today?"

"OK" Peter mumbled as he stopped at a tree, waiting for Satch to do his business.

"Do you care to share?" Neal shivered, wishing he had a grabbed a jacket. Summer was just around the corner but the nights were still cool. He knew how worried Peter had been about today but Neal had been out the whole day on a case and spent the drive home telling Peter about it.

"I get to stop the medication and I will get my driver's license back…" 

"Does that mean I have to give up mine?" Neal was the proud owner of a driver's license…the first legal one he has had since he was eighteen and got it taken away.

"Neal, you get to keep yours."

"Good. How about the car?"

"Neal, it's my car and I'm taking it back. Now, do you want to hear the rest or are you going to keep interrupting?" Neal didn't need to hear the rest. He could tell by Peter's tone that he wasn't getting his gun back, which meant no field work and Neal was stuck with Jones. He didn't mind Jones, but he enjoyed being around Peter and he missed working with him…not that he would admit that. Neal shoved his hands in his pants pockets and walked ahead, his mood taking a downward spiral. He wanted things back to normal, as normal as things could be since Kate died.

"I think someone misses me" Peter said as he neared the younger man. "Neal, we both knew this was going to happen if I came clean and I had too." Peter briefly touched Neal's shoulder. "I almost got you killed and I couldn't take that chance again. Besides", he added brightly, "It's not that bad. I have to go through an evaluation process and if all goes well, I should be fully reinstated in a month." Peter smiled. "You can handle Jones until then right?"

Neal shrugged and started walking. Peter quietly walked beside him, allowing the other man to gather his thoughts and talk if he needed to.

"Do I depend on you and Elizabeth too much?"

"What?" Peter wasn't expecting that seemingly out of the blue question. After a few minutes of silent walking Peter countered Neal's question.

"Do you think you depend on us too much?"

"Probably" Neal admitted quietly. "I guess I talk about you guys a lot…" he paused and Peter knew he was talking about his sessions with the therapist.

"You could talk about Moz…"

"No" Neal shook his head fiercely. "Can't talk about Mozzie…"

"Probably not" Peter agreed. "That might get you more sessions" he added, eliciting a small chuckle from his partner. Peter sighed heavily. "Neal, you are limited on where you can go…I don't mind you being around and neither does Elizabeth. I also know how you are when you're alone."

"Think too much" Neal admitted and they both knew who he thought about.

"No more thinking tonight." Peter lightly pushed Neal, getting him moving towards the house.

"Do you think you would still be friends with Frankie if he were alive?" Peter stopped so suddenly that Satch whined in confusion. "Easy boy." Peter reached down and scratched the dog on his head, until he calmed down.

"Sorry." Neal muttered, seeing Peter's reaction. It was the first time either had mentioned the boy's name since that night at the river.

"It's ok" Peter said, turning his attention from the dog to Neal. Would he be friends with Frankie? He silently mused. His first gut reaction was no; they were too different and they would have drifted apart as they grew and found other interests. But then he looked at Neal, who was looking rather uncomfortable at the moment. Here was a con artist he had put in jail…twice, yet Peter was not ashamed to admit how much he had learned to care about Neal or how much their friendship meant to him.

"I think it's possible" he finally answered, his even tone putting Neal at ease. "But I also think it's time we both stop living in the past." As he said that, he briefly wrapped his arm around Neal's shoulder, squeezing gently. "Ok?"

Neal took a deep breath, knowing it wouldn't be that easy to forget about Kate. But he also knew he had a future to look forward too, amid people he knew cared about him. "Deal" he said, as the protective arm left his shoulders and they continued their walk home.


End file.
